The other day my husband declared, “I am not my job, it’s just something I do.” I found this statement to be very profound, almost like a “breakthrough” sort of moment. It was a rough year for me because he was blessed with a ton of opportunities for working overtime. This was very good for our bank account. Not so good for our relationship. When he does have time off with us I pretty much lose it if he spends any off-time doing anything “work” related. Nevertheless, I thought to myself, “I need to adopt this ‘I’m not my job’ attitude about my job too.” Then I woke up. HELLO?!?! YOU ARE A STAY AT HOME MOM – YOU AND YOUR JOB ARE ONE IN THE SAME!
Light at the end of the tunnel.
I am in no way taking anything away from my darling husband, it’s just that he and I live such different lives now. I will never forget how in the throes of my first bout of Post Partum Depression I felt like I was mourning the loss of our love, our connection and our (at the time) 12 year long relationship. Now, I sort of have it together (did I just say that?) and I ADORE my beautiful children. They are my heart’s delight now and forever. I am beyond grateful to be a part of this amazing aspect of womanhood and even more grateful for these funny little people that God has graced me with.
A big part of me wants time for myself, a break or what have you, but in all honesty, I don’t want to miss a second of all this. Whine and moan as I might, I still am very aware of the fact that I will never get my babies back as they are on this day. So for now, I accept the fact that being a mommy at home means that I do not get a day off (very often) and I am on call 24/7 . . . and for this I am very grateful.
I think it is so easy to feel like we have lost our identity when we become SAHMs. It feels like everything we do is linked to our children and our husbands. I have had this same conversation with my husband. It’s a struggle to find something that is separate from our job, something that is just for us. I wish I knew the answer. The scariest part for me is that I’m half done and I wonder what I will do when the kids leave since I’ve devoted so much of myself to raising them. I’m working harder to separate me from my job so there is something left when they leave. I’m not there yet, but getting there. Hope you can find that separation too.
Thanks for the kind words Lucinda. I have already started worrying that there will be nothing left of me once my children grow up. I can only hope that like you, I will begin finding myself again when I am half done with this relatively short “assignment.” Thanks again.